Idol too long

Editor's note: Matt's made it through to the top 12 on "American Idol!" Ok, so really he's just been watching the show for the first time and made it through this far without giving up for fear of losing his mind. He probably should have done an overall review before the top 12, but we don't think the show's THAT important. Plus, his reviews are too long as it is.

I can honestly say I thought I'd have tapped out by now. But I'm still watching (and, sadly, discussing the show with co-workers). I've even taken a shine to a contestant or two. All of this against my own better judgement.

They were led by Diana Ross as celebrity coach this week. Not necessarily a help for the guys, who've had a miserable few weeks and probably only have a shot at keeping one or two around when this group is halved.

Brandon opened the show with a spotty at best performance of Can't Hurry Love. Not a significant showcase of his talents, and he's been on a bad streak in the past couple weeks. Bad, bad day for him. Which is too bad, this probably my favorite Ross tune. On the other side of the spectrum, Melinda's less energetic tune had all the energy Brandon was missing. It's shocking to me that she's not already a pro singer, and the sheer surprise on her face for the applause she got is significantly entertaining.

(Quick notes: I don't like that they have to all sing tunes by the same artist and I don't like the fact that Simon gets his wardrobe from Hanes. Nor do I enjoy the gratuitous shots of the Bones cast in the audience.)

Chris Sligh needs to lose the Old Navy t-shirt with the cassettes on it. Past that, his tune was solid. Nothing impressive, but certainly not what you'd expect from the big doof singing Diana Ross. Didn't do great in front of the judges. He'll stick around and get another chance, though. So will Gina, who'd been showed up the past few weeks up by the other girls. I liked her song a lot.

As if Sanjaya wasn't in bad enough shape, he's pulled out the curlers. He's not the best singer, he's not the best personality and he's not going to win. This may have been the first time he sang a tune that required him to belt out more than one note, and even so, he butchered it. I wish the judges would stop trying to sugar coat it. I've heard better karaoke singers. And, in some evil torture scene (that's right, American Idol more torturous than 24) Haley's up next. Not a happy prospect. Her pre-song interview was girly-lame and annoying. Her actual performance was pretty much the same. It showed some promise before reaching a screeching halt. Literally. (Simon makes some good points about her performance, but I'm not sure she's got much of a chance. She's up against Sanjaya for the booting.)

(Side note 2: Can you use the word schmuck on live TV?)

Before kicking off Haley and Sanjaya, I need for you to get rid of Phil, America. He's lame and I don't like him. Sadly, he's a decent singer and put in a good performance this week. Maybe ya'll will make another bad choice and take him out for me.

Billie Holiday via Diana Ross is exactly the type of tune you'd hope to hear from LaKisha -- from an entertainment standpoint. At this juncture she's guaranteed to stick around for a while, you're just waiting for her spot every week because you know you'll see a good performance.
Blake's nowhere near LaKisha's league. But he knows more about music, I think, than probably all of his competition. He put together a good arrangement and is among the top guy vocals on the show and I think he may be the only guy with a shot at winning.

Third member of the big four, Stephanie, was good. Just not as good as Melinda or LaKisha. Unimpressive compared to what she's done in the past. On a completely different note, Chris Richardson is a dweeb. He's got a good voice but he just wasn't that great this week.

(Side note 3: Paula dances like Will Ferrell doing Janet Reno.)

Lucky Jordin gets to close the show. Darkhorse girls competitor. She didn't really perform per se, but her singing was spot on and awesome and she held her own against some strong competition.

In summation: Thumbs up: Jordin, LaKisha, Melinda; OK: Chris Sligh, Stephanie, Phil, Blake, Gina; Thumbs down: Sanjaya, Chris Richardson, Brandon, Haley

Should go: Sanjaya
Will go: Haley

It's tiring going through 12 singers doing almost full songs. Especially when half of them are lame. It'll be interesting to see how things go for the kids who don't deserve to be there. Now I need a nap.