I refuse to write a lame "Sparks" pun here.

Spoiler-schmoiler. You know. Here's the full story, from AP, just so I can officially say I officially posted it before passing out this evening:

LOS ANGELES -- Jordin Sparks grew up on American Idol, watching the show since she was 12 years old and telling her mother it was what she wanted to do.

"Now I'm actually doing it," the 17-year-old told reporters backstage after winning the competition in Wednesday's season finale.

The announcement that the Arizona teenager bested Blake Lewis, 25, the beat-boxer from Washington, came at the end of a two-hour extravaganza at the Kodak Theatre.

"I've just been trying to top myself each week," Sparks told The Associated Press. "I would sing my song and after I was done I was like, 'OK, what am I going to do next week that's going to be ... either just as good or better."

Sparks, with a floor-length gown and movie-star hair, gushed like a teenager when her name was called.

"Thank you so much for everything," she told the crowd. "Mom, Dad, I love you. Nana, Papa, P.J., thank you guys."

Then she began "This Is My Now," the tune picked by viewers in a new online American Idol songwriting contest. Both she and Lewis performed the track Tuesday, and judge Simon Cowell reiterated Wednesday the song sold him on Sparks.

"If I'm going to call it, based on the last song, congratulations Jordin," Cowell said, before the winner was announced.

The contest came down to the stronger singer, Sparks, or the better entertainer, Lewis. Sparks delivered her songs simply and powerfully; Lewis' flourishes included beatboxing and sharp dance moves.

Lewis said backstage that he didn't mind coming in second."I picked Jordin Sparks at the top 24 as the American Idol winner," he said proudly. "I was actually going to try to wear a 'Vote for Jordin Sparks' T-shirt last night but they wouldn't let me do it."

Keep clicking on the blog throughout the day... I'll cover my entire experience watching the show this season (for the first time) sometime today. I'll also start getting into the upcoming summer TV wasteland and, oh, of course, Lost. Damn that's a good show.

Last licks

So, when I started watching the show this season, this wasn't what I expected from an American Idol finale. Not only were neither of the two really impressive, but they were both pretty boring. Not to mention that boring songwriting contest tune, which significantly cut into both contestant's chances to be themselves (while basically handing Jordin the title).

I watched it live a few hours ago (the first time in weeks I watched the whole thing), so please pardon my malaise. I think it was rather dull overall, considering it was the final chance for them to shine. I don't think either of them presented anything new to the audience and, if anything, they each took a step back. Without Melinda around I don't think either was at the top of their game.

Here's how I saw it:

Blake 1: 7 out of 10 (Just as lame as the first time he did it).
Jordin 1: 6 out of 10 (Boring and not really up to par).
Blake 2: 7 out of 10 (Yawn. Even more lame.)
Jordin 2: 8 out of 10.
Blake 3: 3 out of 10 (Oh, dear, did this cost him the title.)
Jordin 3: 8 out of 10 (Nothing special, because the song sucks, but she's got an amazing voice. The tears will help with the voters, too.)

Jordin deserves the title. If she doesn't win, it's because she's not a frosty-haired pretty boy. Not that Blake's a bad entertainer, he's just not what this show's about.

.... too late.

AMERICAN IDOL SPOILERS BELOW. IF YOU'RE WAITING TO WATCH IT STOP READING.

I'd heard the point made all through the day... there's not enough people to vote for her... the 14-year-olds will work in Blake's favor... I made the point myself that she's not going to be easy to sell. Apparently they were all correct... from AP:

NEW YORK -- Most observers thought she was a lock to go on to the American Idol finale, but Melinda Doolittle was eliminated Wednesday night. The result was a real surprise, considering Doolittle -- hands down the best singer there -- had the blessing of Simon Cowell. Her departure clears the way for a final showdown between Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis.

"Congratulations to you two. My commiserations, Melinda, 'cause you are one heck of a singer," said a glum Cowell, who covered his face with his hands upon hearing the news.

The acerbic judge had always made clear his affection for the 29-year-old backup singer-turned-diva from Brentwood, Tenn., who delivered knockout performances week after week. Doolittle, who never hit a bad note during her Idol run, seemed resigned to her fate. She belted "I'm A Woman" before leaving the stage.

I don't know if I care enough about the show anymore to complain. She was obviously really the best singer, but I still liked Jordin more anyway. I think she'll be a lock next week, though you never can tell what the power of the 14-year-old girl is, can you?

Neither of the two finalists are undeserving, but it is possible that Blake may have been less deserving than Melinda. It'll be interesting to see what the two finalists pull out next week. I'm not going to go so far as to say exciting, but it should be a semi-enjoyable edition to check out.

Blake's not a wondrous singer by any means, but he's different than all of his competitors were and he's much more hip than most. The beatbox thing set him off from everyone else early and I think that helped him get past some really lame performances. Jordin quietly rocked the entire time, since the second week of the semifinals. She had no problems at all getting to where she is. If she doesn't win, I'll probably feel like my little Idol-watching experiment was a bigger waste than I first suspected.

Magic number

Oh, I can't wait until this show is over next week. I can write my season review and then be done with it. (Though, as a coworker pointed out, I can't really be a TV blogger and ignore American Idol.)

Anyway, lets go at this briefly in anticipation of a big wrap-up next week.

Jordin 1: 8 out of 10 (I'm a big Jordin fan. She may get topped later, or top herself, but I dig.). Blake 1: 7 out of 10 (Liked it, even though I'm really against The Police in any form. Blake needs a big showing this week to even have a slight chance to stick around.) Melinda 1: 8 out of 10 (Okay, you know she's always going to do well, but this may have been the worst I've seen her do since the semifinals, despite what the judges say. Maybe I just hate Whitney Houston.)

Jordin 2: 6 out of 10 (Unenergetic version of another lame song.) Blake 2: 8 out of 10 (One of my least favorite songs EVER by one of my least favorite bands ever. He did OK, though. I think the Idol producers could really sell Blake, whether he wins or not.) Melinda 2: 10 out of 10 (There's no way to argue with that vocal.)

Jordin 3: 10 out of 10 (Brought back a good one from earlier in the year.) Blake 3: 8 out of 10 (Started weak, but he brought all he had. Won't be enough.) Melinda 3: 10 of 10 (Blues. Damn.)

I will say that was the most entertaining episode of this show so far this season. Blake's probably gone, though that's no surprise.

Bad call... and text...

Oops, forgot to post this last night...

NEW YORK (AP) -- A kiss from Simon Cowell turned out to be a kiss goodbye.

A week after so impressing the cantankerous Cowell that he kissed her, LaKisha Jones was eliminated Wednesday on American Idol. The Fox talent show is down to its final three contestants.

A nervous Jones seemed to have an ominous feeling Wednesday. Host Ryan Seacrest noticed she was talking to herself during one of the commercial breaks, and she admitted to overanalyzing things.

I'm sure you can find the whole story anywhere you want. Generally I'd disagree with this as far as her performance goes, but Blake is the more marketable star...

Two for the annoyance of one

Double duty for the Idols Tuesday and I couldn't be more annoyed. I was hoping to flip through four songs and be on my way. It wasn't to be, so I'll make my review as quick as possible:

Melinda 1: 5 out of 10; Blake 1: 2 out of 10; Lakisha 1: 8 out of 10 (more original than stupid Blake and much better than the judges gave her credit for); Jordin 1: 9 out of 10 (didn't sound like a rearrangement of a BeeGees song like the first three); Melinda 2: 9.5 out of 10 (spot on, but boring until the end); Blake 2: 7 out of 10 (10 times better, but I don't think it'll be enough to save him sadly); Lakisha 2: 8 out of 10 (boring, but not bad); Jordin 2: 10 out of 10 (she obviously deserves it more than anyone else out there, the judges were way too harsh).

Blake's out unless the little girls of the nation rescue him and his awful haircuts.

Finally!

Anyone else writing about American Idol used that headline 2 weeks ago when Sanjaya went home. Happily...

NEW YORK (AP) -- With no one ousted at the end of last week's charity-focused show, American Idol gave the heave-ho to two contestants Wednesday night -- Phil Stacey and Chris Richardson.

The viewer vote tally from last week was added to this week's, with more than 135 million phone and text-message ballots cast in all. Stacey, 29, of Jacksonville, Fla., and Chris Richardson, 22, of Chesapeake, Va., drew the fewest votes. With their departure, the number of finalists is down to four. The winner will be chosen May 23.

Later Phil. You sucked and this is the first time I've been happy to "watch" Idol (if that's what you call fast-forwarding though the show) in some time.

More Idol

I would think a show like American Idol would get more and more exciting as it wears on. I would be wrong. Any excitement I may have had has worn off ... it doesn't help that this show -- based on music -- is permeated by annoying pop music.

I still hate Phil, but he's picking up some momentum and Bon Jovi week will be a big help to him. Jordin was a little off -- not as good as could be expected. I didn't think I could dislike "Livin' on a Prayer" any more. LaKisha picked a great tune for herself. Knocked Phil out. Too bad Jordin didn't find that song.

Blake showed some actual creativity for the first time in a while -- more creativity than any other contestant has shown throughout the season. I don't think it was great as they're giving him credit for, but it was different. Finally. Chris, like Jordin was a little bit out of his element. I figured he'd do this song. He wasn't awful, but he did all he could, I think. Melinda, obviously, made Chris completely useless.

Keep in mind last week's voting carries over, so Blake could still go home. This is where I blame a vast right-wing conspiracy for fixing the show last week to keep someone who maybe shouldn't have gone. Either way, I'm guessing Jordin could also go home tonight. I'd say Phil and Melinda may be the only safe ones.

Quicker Idol wrap

Don't even really care about my little Idol-watching project anymore. I'll finish out the season, but there's nothing really worthwhile here as far as television goes. The show is to TV what pop music is to radio/CD stores -- drivel for the lowest common denominator. (Incidentally, don't get me started on music stores right now... if only this wasn't just a TV blog).

Nice of Bono not to show up and coach like he was scheduled to do...

Chris annoys me. He was OK, but nowhere near as good as they're making him out to be from the judges' table. Melinda chose a cruddy song and still did well, I think. Blake's going to cost himself a shot if he continues to be so boring. LaKisha set the bar too high for herself early on. It's hard for her to impress anymore because it's just expected. She was just OK. I couldn't dislike Phil anymore. Jordin's not the best singer on the show, but I think she's probably my favorite. Her voice itself has the most unique tone. She should win.

Can you tell my heart is no longer in this? Blake's going home by the way.

I didn't even watch the other Idol Gives Back stuff... don't think I'm heartless please. I just really am hoping for some entertainment and not something to bring me down right now.

Shuffle off

If you care you know... if you don't care, here you go... from AP:

NEW YORK -- Sanjaya Malakar, the under-talented but unflappable singer who horrified and captivated millions in his improbable American Idol run, was finally voted off the show Wednesday night.

When the result was announced, Malakar wiped away tears and got a big hug from LaKisha Jones, the next lowest vote-getter.

"I'm fine," he told Ryan Seacrest. "It was an amazing experience."

"I can promise you: We won't soon forget you," Seacrest replied.

Most important: why was LaKisha in the bottom two?

I can't get worse than country... can it?

It's that time again: Tuesday night. And you who read this and enjoy my clever American Idol commentary should count yourselves lucky that I even considered watching this terrible show tonight. My entire weekend got eaten up by work.

That I'm still watching is shock enough I suppose. But now I have to hear these karaoke stars do country? Please no.

(Please infer an automatic "this song sucks" with every performance.)

At least for my sake we get Phil out of the way early. I can tell you right now that this will be the worst performance of the night. This guy was due to leave first, not this close to the end. I don't care what the judges say. Jordin, conversely, nailed it. The song was just R&B enough for her to knock it out of the park. Tough to top.

Stupid Sanjaya comes out and brings the show right back down (and gets like twice the air time of anyone else). His personality is so very lame and he hasn't even begun singing yet. Wait, here it is, yeah he's awful. Like this show has always been and my show reviews of it have been getting over the past few weeks.

Gag, Carrie Underwood song now? LaKisha, seriously. You're lucky you can sing. Chris's voice, however, annoys the hell out of me and he's certainly not a country singer. Lame. Lame. Lame. Melinda buried everyone again, though Jordin gave her a good run. Blake, like Chris, is a fish out of water with this country crap, but he held his own.

Should go: Phil
Will go: Chris

Latest cut made

SPOILER ALERT. The person who got booted from Idol is named just a few lines below. I almost don't care that I could ruin it anymore, though.

At least the one who deserved to go went for once. From AP:

NEW YORK -- She's got legs -- and she knew how to use them. But Wednesday night, the magic finally ran out for Haley Scarnato on American Idol. (Yes, that means the Sanjaya phenomenon continues.)

The departure of Scarnato, 24, of San Antonio, trimmed the number of finalists to seven. The winner will be chosen in May. Simon Cowell suggested on Tuesday's program that Scarnato was using her curve-hugging, leg-baring attire as a ''tactic'' to stay in the competition.

''I'm not gonna wear anything ... that's completely inappropriate,'' a jeans-clad Scarnato countered Wednesday. Phil Stacey and Chris Richardson had the next-lowest vote tallies in the phone balloting, which drew more than 35 million calls and text messages.

She was worse than Sanjaya and even Phil. The biggest surprise here is Chris being in the bottom three. I'm not sure he deserves to go home yet, I think he just bobbled a song that everyone watching knows to earn himself the low vote count.

Same song

Okay, so I put my Idol wrapup off as long as possible... I think that tells you how much I care about the show anymore. Not that it seems like anyone cares -- my dad was begging me to stop even covering it and as far as I know he's my only reader. At least he agrees with me.

The only reason I'm continuing is I feel like I have to now. Plus, I promised.

Melinda opened the show pretty well. Song bored me though. I get the feeling they all will tonight. Less boring is watching Paula, who seems like she may have fallen back into her droopy-eyed ways. LaKisha's personality has finally caught up with her voice, unlike Melinda (who's getting less interesting every week). LaKisha sounded better, too.

Chris did his runny R&B thing on a rock song. Lame, lame... lame. Haley, luckily for the audience, was drowned out by the backup singers for a good portion of the song. Even more awful than usual. But not as awful as Phil. This guy violated Santana's "Maria, Maria." I have to remember to remove food from my view next time I hear him sing. Chris's Santana tune was much better.

Jordin is too underappreciated. She sounded awesome this week. And despite what the judges said, Blake was just okay. Sanjaya gets credit for being the only one to sing mostly in Spanish... nothing else though (specifically not his awful attempt at a goatee).

Haley should probably go. It may be Sanjaya's turn though.

Latest casualty

SPOILER ALERT!

From AP:

Gina Glocksen, who had her share of good and bad American Idol moments, kissed the show goodbye Wednesday, becoming the latest casualty in viewer voting.

The exit of Glocksen, 22, of Naperville, Ill., trimmed the number of finalists to eight. The winner will be chosen in May.

Judge Randy Jackson had said on Tuesday's program that Glocksen -- the show's resident rocker girl, with her red highlights and all-black outfits -- gave a ''nice, controlled performance'' of the classic song ''Smile.''

His colleague Simon Cowell, who has griped that Glocksen was not in the same league as other finalists, sported a frown.

Haley Scarnato and Phil Stacey had the next-lowest vote tallies in the phone balloting.

See, this is how the show works. Middling contestants will all go before the really cruddy ones. You'll probably also lose a Lakisha or Melinda before they get rid of Phil or Sanjaya. More reason to not care.

"Idol"-ing in the garage... its bad for you.

Seriously, Tony Bennett not really the way to hit your target demo... as if I wasn't already getting tired of this show, I'm not really excited for this week...

Honestly, I'm at the point of dreading this every week. I thought that this experiment may surprise me and have me enjoying the show. I was significantly wrong. That being said, as Calvin's dad would say... it's building character. Here's this week's breakdown. (If you've noticed, they've been getting shorter and shorter...)

Blake, obviously outside of his musical comfort zone, showed off his voice more than he ever has. Phil still stinks. And he bored the hell out of me this week, too. He'll keep getting the Navy card played and stick around yet again, I bet. I'm getting tired of Melinda's personality. It was cute at the beginning. Now it's just feeling fake. Not to take away from her talent or anything -- she's still the best on the show.

The remaining Chris will be fine. I'm starting to hate him less, despite his whiny voice. Jordin, still great, could get lost in the personalities of everyone else on the show... something Chris is starting to break out of. Gina picked a boring, boring song. I sounded nice as I was nodding off, though.

Sanjaya, for all the crap he gets, just needs to sing out to get some sort of credit --which he didn't do. It that everyone else had to pick a Sanjaya song this week, but he's still, eventually, doomed. Haley looked nice. I stopped paying attention to her vocals a few weeks ago... I usually get a snack when she's on. LaKisha deserves to win.

Should go: Phil
Will go: I don't care, anymore.

Only two more months. Please let it end.

This is getting tedious

WARNING. SPOILER. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

NEW YORK (AP) -- It's over for Chris Sligh.

Sligh, the curly-haired jokester who once claimed he was ''bringing chubby back,'' said goodbye to ''American Idol'' on Wednesday, becoming the latest singer bounced in viewer voting.

The sacking of Sligh, 28, who hails from Greenville, S.C., winnowed the number of ''Idol'' wannabes to nine. The winner will be chosen in May.

''I think it's bye-bye, curly,'' predicted Simon Cowell, before the results were announced.Cowell said on Tuesday's program that Sligh's rendition of the Police classic ''Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic'' was a ''mess.''

Haley Scarnato and Phil Stacey had the next-lowest vote tallies in the phone balloting, which drew more than 30 million calls and text messages.

Not that it wasn't deserved. And, America, I know he's an armed forces member, but stop voting for Phil.

Yawn.

(Yes, I realize this is all I've posted about in a while... don't worry I'm cooking up some other ideas. Anyone has any, let me know.)

Also, I've noticed I haven't been addressing the fact that I'm watching this as more of a social experiment than for television enjoyment. I'm not sure if that speaks the fact that I'm somewhere deep inside enjoying myself or if this show is just so monotonous that there's nothing really surprising about the show each week -- which should be expected from a show that's such a big hit. There's no excitement to it at all.

As if Gwen Stefani didn't ruin my opinion of her with the arrival of No Doubt's Rocksteady and anything she's over done without that band behind her. Yech. Seriously. You'd have thought we'd see more modern stuff this evening, but no. Nor did we see anything really constructive from Coach Gwen.

Anyway, here's the short version of how tonight went:

Lakisha continues to get more and more boring, despite her killer voice. She's gonna find herself shockingly out of the competition sooner than later. Chris Sligh, on the other hand, sounded pretty awful. It annoys me that Paula gave him crap for his tempo when she was doing the white-boy concert dance. Gina sounded good. I was a little distracted by what looked like Paula's black eye. Any steps forward Sanjaya may have made last week were ruined by his hair this week, though he didn't sing as bad as one would expect. (Randy made the good point that, if the kid tries, he'd be doing so much better.)

Haley made me nauseous. Phil is awful and I never want to hear a Police song ever again. Melinda was good as always, but I wish she'd have done a more modern song. Would have been nice to see her do a No Doubt tune just to see if she could. Though, I'm starting to think her wide-eyed bit is sort of disingenuous.

Of course Blake's doing a Cure tune. Little boring for him, though. Jordin took a bad song and made it... well, not better. And Chris Richardson, well he surprised the hell outta me. Sorta ruined a good song, but he sounded good.

Should go: Haley
Will go: Jordin

Latest "Idol" cut

SPOILER BELOW. IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED, DON'T GET MAD AT ME IF THIS GIVES IT AWAY.

From AP:

NEW YORK -- Is American Idol for real?

In a surprise, Stephanie Edwards -- one of this season's best singers -- was voted off the top-rated talent contest on Wednesday, while weak and sometimes unwatchable performers Sanjaya Malakar and Haley Scarnato were allowed to stay.

The untimely departure of Edwards, 19, of Savannah, Ga., narrowed the number of Idol contestants to 10. The winner will be chosen in May.

Simon Cowell said on Tuesday's show that Edwards' rendition of Dusty Springfield's ''You Don't Have to Say You Love Me'' lacked the edginess and youthful energy that she brought to her previous performances.

Paula Abdul echoed that sentiment, telling Edwards she should have ''more fun'' onstage.

Dodging viewer elimination was Chris Richardson, who had the next-lowest vote tally. Richardson, 22, of Chesapeake, Va., had impressed judges with his smooth take on ''Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying.'' Cowell called it his ''best performance so far,'' while Abdul praised him as ''charming and sexy."

In which Matt grows increasingly tired of "American Idol"

I'm going to try to boil this one down a bit more than I have been, since the show's getting less and less interesting (and I'm hours behind the water cooler discussion curve anyway). British invasion week sounds interesting at least. So, how'd the would-be idols do this week?

Haley made a mistake by being "more aggressive," after a pretty sweet performance last week. She's back to her previous iffyness. Chris Richardson,who I've been down on, knocked out probably the best tune he's done so far. Stephanie? I was hoping she'd pick it up after last week, and she may have gone a little overboard. Still not as good as she was the first few weeks of the semifinals though.

(Side note: Product placement is lame.)

Blake picked one of my favorite old-school tunes, and I was really expecting him to screw it up. I was wrong again. He continues to show his voice transcends the beat box thing. Not going to say it was as good as the judges said, though. As for LaKisha, it's hard to keep the heat that she picked up early on in the season. Not a spectacular performance, but she doesn't need one to beat a lot of these people.

Phil, you suck. Jordin, meanwhile, beat the living crap out of everyone else. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

(Side note 2: Really, two hours of this show is unnecessary.)

Then there's Sanjaya, who did much better than he's ever done before. The gravely rocker voice works a lot better for him. Still not on par with everyone else, but he did just well enough to lose the vote support he's had from the let's-vote-for-the-worst crowd. Meanwhile, the sexy potential of Gina doing "Paint it Black" should be enough to push her through even though she didn't necessarily nail it. Chris Sligh, with another Zombies tune, and I don't think there's a better, cooler group for these guys to be picking from. Strong performance that may have put him in the running. Melinda probably should close the show every night. Even on an off night, she's better than everyone else. And this week was not an off night. Bit of a boring song, but she's the best.

(Side note 3 : Paula had some trouble talking all night, didn't she?)

Should go: Phil
Will go: Phil or Haley... sorry, I can't decide.

First blood

SPOILERS ARE DIRECTLY BELOW THIS GRAF, SO IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED AMERICAN IDOL YET AND YOU'RE PLANNING ON IT, STOP READING.

Not much to analyze, though I'm glad to see all of the bottom three were guys and all of them deserved their spot. Phil didn't go home, but you came close, America. Good work. Here's the story, via AP:

NEW YORK -- Brandon Rogers, who forgot the words to his song on Tuesday's American Idol, had a feeling he wouldn't last. He got confirmation Wednesday.

Rogers, a former backup singer from Los Angeles, became the first of the final dozen to be voted off the top-rated Fox network sing-off.

"I have no hard feelings," Rogers, 28, said before leaving the stage. "I kind of expected it."

Rogers said he committed a "cardinal sin" by stumbling with some of the lyrics of the Motown classic "You Can't Hurry Love." Judge Simon Cowell, who has routinely criticized Rogers for a lack of charisma, said his performance was dull and uninspired.

Sanjaya Malakar and Phil Stacey had the next-lowest vote tallies in the phone ballotting, which drew about 28 million calls and text messages.