Ugh.

As promised in today's Press, though a little late, here's some tandem reviewing of three new summer shows. None of them should keep you from sipping a cold iced tea on the porch outdoors for even a moment...

The Next Best Thing (ABC/8 p.m. Wednesdays): This show is merely impersonating other TV shows. It looks and feels a lot like Last Comic Standing (which pretty much ripped off American Idol). It could be good, but not in the hourlong setting it has. Its other promise is that there are some interestingly good, talented people auditioning. But it's nothing special at all.

Ex-Wives Club (ABC/9 p.m. Mondays): Speaking of impersonations... this show is impersonating primetime television. This is the kind of crap they usually stick on at 10 a.m. on a weekday. This may be the worst show I've ever sat through. What I really find objectionable is the (air quotes)empowerment(end air quotes) that this sort of show purports to provide. Even more objectionable is the processed "real-life" drama that they're pretending to show. The basic format is: chat with the "you go girl" hosts (famous divorcees Angie Everhart, Shar Jackson and Marla Maples), go to "rehab," get a makeover (and a present like a computer), have hosts pigeonhole the ex and show them in a bad light with the magic of editing, and then do something empowering (on premiere, woman tossed husband's car from plane -- with a fake explosion on impact). This is pure crap and anyone who believes any of this show is real... oh, nevermind. If you watch THIS, you really should just get off the couch.

Hidden Palms (CW/8 p.m. Wednesday): This is soupy, awful teen drama crap that is beneath even the Dawsons Creek/O.C./One Tree Hill crowd. They're trying to create drama among a bunch of rich kids with problems by using a "mysterious" storyline (straight out of rehab teen -- who saw his father blow his own brains out -- moves to Palm Springs with mom and stepdad; he meets two people. The problem is they don't have any good writers or actors or any production value whatsoever. It may have some pretty people working on the show, but it's pretty much worthless.

If these are any indication of whats to come this summer, this may be the most boring Web page on the planet for the next three months. Tomorrow: Traveler, Pirate Master and Starter Wife.